


Trying to Hide

by maybeeatspaghetti



Series: Shameless Whizzvin Smut [34]
Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Bottom Whizzer Brown, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Sex, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Lots of Crying, Low Self Esteem, M/M, Rimming, Shower Sex, Stargazing, Top Marvin (Falsettos), Vulnerability, body image issues, cute dates, vulnerable Whizzer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:55:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29753007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybeeatspaghetti/pseuds/maybeeatspaghetti
Summary: After getting back together, Whizzer insists on only having sex at night with the lights down, partially clothed, and Marvin realizes something's very wrong and they work through it together.____Requested by an anon on Tumblr: "could I request something with vulnerable whizzer? like whizzer is insecure and nervous about getting older or something (since he has that whole 'pretty boy' thing going and marvin used to pick on his appearance a bit (all that hairline stuff)). whatever it is he bottles it all up but marvin still realizes that somethings wrong and gets him to open up about it and reassures him and all that softness (also just if i have to specify, top!marv)"
Relationships: Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Series: Shameless Whizzvin Smut [34]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850437
Comments: 22
Kudos: 49





	Trying to Hide

When Marvin got home after work that evening—much later than usual, Whizzer noticed—the first thing he did was toss his briefcase into the corner and hop in the shower, as he always did. Whizzer was sitting at the kitchen table, doodling in the corners of the day’s crossword, and Marvin did stop on his way to the shower to give him a quick kiss, but Whizzer felt none of the joy he figured most partners felt when their significant other got home at the end of the day. 

Marvin put his arms around his neck once he was out of the shower, and he was damp and smelled like his shampoo. 

“It’s good to see you,” Marvin said, kissing Whizzer’s cheek sloppily.

Whizzer turned to meet his lips.

“It’s good to see you, too,” he said quietly, but he wasn’t feeling anything but an anxious knot in his stomach.

Marvin put a hand on Whizzer’s chest, fingers slipping through the spaces between the buttons and touching his chest.

“How was your day, baby?”

Whizzer shrugged. “Good.” He couldn’t focus on anything except Marvin’s fingers on his skin. He wasn’t sure he liked it. Hopefully Marvin couldn’t feel how quickly his heart was beating.

“Mmm, that’s good,” Marvin said, kissing under his ear. “I had a shit day.”

“Did you?”

“Yeah.” 

Whizzer’s stomach churned unpleasantly. They hadn’t had sex right after Marvin got home from work since the first time they’d been together. They’d gotten back together several months ago and although Marvin used to use post-work sex to let off steam when he was angry and high-strung all the time, he’d mellowed out in the time they’d been apart and now he rarely came home fuming or frustrated. But he seemed tense today, and Whizzer was starting to get tense himself as Marvin’s lips moved down to his shoulder.

The moment Marvin unbuttoned the first button on Whizzer’s shirt, Whizzer bolted out of the chair and fled to the bathroom, locking himself in. He sat on the toilet, head spinning, heart pounding, palms sweaty. He couldn’t do this right now. Not right now.

“Whiz? Baby?” 

Whizzer heard Marvin knock gently on the door and he leaned forward, putting his head between his knees. He just wanted Marvin to leave him alone.

“Not right now,” Whizzer said, and it came out harsher than he intended. “Later. Later.”

“Okay. Yeah. Whenever you want. Are you okay, baby?”

“I’m fine,” Whizzer said quickly. “I’m gonna get in the shower. My hair’s gross.” He thought, _I’m gross_ , but the words didn’t make it to his lips.

“Alright. In a little bit, I’m gonna go down to the place on the corner and pick up dinner. That sound good, baby?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s good,” Whizzer said, though he wasn’t really listening anymore. His thoughts were too chaotic to focus attention on what Marvin was saying.

He stripped his clothes off and turned the water on. He got in the shower, but instead of washing his hair or washing anything, really, he sat on the floor of the shower with his head in his hands for a while, trying to warm up and think about nothing. If his mind could be completely blank every once in a while, that would be really nice. 

When he got out of the shower, he grimaced as he looked at himself in the mirror, pinching and prodding at his skin, critical and unhappy with the visible aging that had made itself known over the past couple years, until he heard Marvin call out that he’d just gotten back, and he dressed and went to the dining room. He smiled and ate and acted as normally as possible, and he even offered to do the dishes after, cheerful, though his mind wouldn’t let him settle. It was constantly barraging him with potential comments Marvin might make about his appearance, and self-criticisms, and it was exhausting, but he pretended it was all alright and he hoped Marvin thought so too. He was constantly on edge around Marvin now, even though their relationship was much better than it had been. But two years on, he’d encountered people unforgiving in their criticisms of his body, and some of Marvin’s choice comments had stuck with him over the years, needling him at the worst times. He expected it now.

Since they’d eaten a little later than usual, it was nearly eight-thirty when all the dishes were washed and put away, and Whizzer went to lie on the couch and watch TV for a while while Marvin worked on tightening the screws in some of the kitchen chairs—a project he’d been putting off for no real reason but that Whizzer insisted he do that night, needing to buy some time before sex. He wanted it dark and he wanted it late enough that they’d go straight to bed after. 

He sought Marvin out when he figured it was late enough, put his arms around him from behind, and started kissing his neck. Marvin got the message and twisted around, pushing Whizzer up against the wall and kissing him hard in return, probably still a little buzzed from earlier. Whizzer’s stomach curled. He didn’t particularly like facing Marvin like this when he was in such a vulnerable state, but Marvin had his eyes closed and his mouth was occupied so there wasn’t much risk in doing this. Marvin couldn’t say anything when they were like this.

Whizzer eventually pulled Marvin to the bedroom, turning the lights down when he got in the room. 

“Whiz—” Marvin began, pulling his hand out of Whizzer’s.

Whizzer tensed. “What?” He braced himself for whatever Marvin was going to say—good or bad.

Marvin reached for the knob on the wall and turned the lights up. It felt harsh and glaring and Whizzer felt a spark of fear. He felt exposed with the lights up. 

“Keep the lights down,” Whizzer said, leaning over and turning the dial so that the room was hardly lit again. “I like it better.”

“But baby, I can’t see—”

Whizzer groped him, effectively cutting him off. “I like it like this,” he whispered. Not being able to see was the point. To distract Marvin, he unbuttoned his jeans and slid his hand in, fondling and stroking him as best he could.

Once Marvin was sufficiently worked up and the lights forgotten, they made their way across the room to the bed, and Whizzer shed his clothes quickly—everything but his shirt, that is—and then got on his hands and knees, leaning his forehead against the bed. In this position, Marvin wouldn’t be able to see the small, but painfully obvious sag in his stomach. He felt Marvin crawl up behind him, and then he heard the snap of the lube being opened, and Marvin asking a question, which Whizzer said yes to, and then Marvin slipped a finger in, and then, after a while, a second finger.

“Fuck me,” he said, plaintive, trying to get Marvin to hurry up. He was taking too long, and while it felt reasonably good, he wanted more. Whizzer was constantly torn between wanting to feel good and wanting to hide and never feel this again. 

He felt Marvin’s hand on his ass and he nearly jumped out of his skin at the touch.

“Come _on_ , Marvin.”

He felt Marvin’s lips graze his lower back, and then Marvin’s thumb was pressing against his hole, pushing in just a bit. Discomfort and fear settled in his stomach. The quicker this took, the better. The shorter time they could spend on this, the better. 

“Come on, Marvin, quit teasing,” he said, and he realized too late that he’d just snapped at him. His voice hadn’t been wanting or needy, like he'd intended; it had been sharp and demanding. He swallowed the lump in his throat and rubbed his face on the sheets. “Please?” he said, this time more quietly, hoping that would get him what he wanted.

“Are you sure—?”

“Yes,” he said. “Just fuck me, Marvin. I want it. I need it. Come on. Please.”

So Marvin did. And when they were finished, Whizzer clambered off the bed, pulling his shirt down which had ridden up, and hid in the bathroom, hoping against all hopes that Marvin hadn’t seen the state of his stomach or the age spots that had cropped up on his chest or the stretch marks on his thighs, all of which had developed in the past two years. He showered and threw on a t-shirt and sweatpants and went back to the bedroom to find Marvin sitting on the edge of the bed, and not dozing off, as usual. 

Marvin looked up when he walked in the room. He stood. He was still naked. He reached for Whizzer’s waist but Whizzer sidestepped his hands and went to get into bed. He pulled the covers over himself, curled up, hugging a pillow, and shut his eyes. He didn’t hear Marvin leave the room but he heard the shower start and he relaxed a bit. He wanted to have sex with Marvin, and he liked the way it felt, and he liked being with Marvin over anyone else, but he was constantly paranoid that Marvin might say something—something like he used to—a jab at Whizzer’s weight or hairline or developing wrinkles, and he was already self-conscious about it and Marvin bringing it up, being mean, would just be too much.

He felt Marvin get into bed a little while later, and he didn’t turn to see him. He appreciated that Marvin put his arm over him, and he made a noise of contentment, but he didn’t turn to look at him. He heard Marvin whisper “Goodnight,” and he made a little noise in return, but he felt a bit awkward. The time between sex and sleep was his least favorite part of the day, and he just wanted Marvin to let him fall asleep. The faster they fell asleep after sex, the less likely it was that Marvin might say something Whizzer didn’t want to hear.

Marvin had left for work by the time Whizzer woke up the next morning, which was a relief in some ways, as Whizzer was worried about how obvious the wrinkles around his lips and eyes were first thing in the morning and would often roll out of bed and wash his face and try in vain to smooth them out before Marvin got a glimpse of them. Maybe Marvin wouldn’t want to be with him anymore if he knew just how much Whizzer’s body was starting to show signs of aging. As awful as it sounded, Whizzer was happiest in his relationship with Marvin when Marvin wasn’t there. He liked being surrounded by Marvin’s things and Marvin’s smell, but his fears about what Marvin might say to him, about him, were overwhelming when he was physically present. It was frustrating and he felt like he was being pulled in half at any given moment. He could really relax and feel relatively free and happy when Marvin wasn’t there, which bothered him, but he could push that discomfort aside fairly easily.

He was inexplicably horny that evening, probably because he’d been reading a book a friend had given him as a gag gift when he was single, and it had turned him on more than he liked to admit. He’d told his friend he’d thrown it out as soon as the opportunity had arisen, but he hadn’t. He’d stuffed it in the bottom of a box and had gotten it out occasionally to indulge over the past couple years. Maybe it was because the protagonist reminded him of Marvin? Just a bit? He had tried not to put too much thought into it when he’d first gotten the book, and he tried not to put too much thought in it today.

Marvin got home much later than Whizzer was expecting, and he knew he should wait until it was a bit later, but he jumped on Marvin the moment he walked in the door, feeling a little desperate. He just wanted to get off, and he wanted Marvin to help. It’d be so much more satisfying if Marvin was involved, even if it made him uncomfortable. He was asking Marvin, kissing his neck, going for the buttons on his shirt, when Marvin took his wrists and gently pushed him off. 

“No,” he said, holding Whizzer at arm’s length.

“What?” 

“Whiz, baby. No. I’m not having sex with you right now.”

Tears pricked the corners of Whizzer’s eyes and he blinked rapidly to clear them. Of course. He knew this day would come—the day Marvin would find him so repulsive that he would leave him for someone younger and fitter and prettier.

He hadn’t realized Marvin had gotten closer until he felt a hand brush his arm.

“Something’s wrong,” Marvin said. “And something’s been wrong for a while. I thought maybe you’d come talk to me about it, but you haven’t, and… I can’t keep ignoring this. I need you to talk to me, baby.” 

Whizzer couldn’t speak. He looked down at the floor and squeezed his eyes shut. His mind was completely blank. He had no idea what he should say, if he should even say anything at all.

“Somehow this is related to sex and I need you to tell me what’s wrong.” 

Whizzer maintained his silence, his stomach churning. It wasn’t _just_ related to sex, but sex definitely amplified his insecurities about how he looked and increased the likelihood that Marvin might say something about it.

“You’re hurting, baby,” Marvin said, and he sounded pained now himself. “I want you to talk to me, let me help you. Is it something I’ve done?”

It _was_ something Marvin had done—partly—and also something Marvin might do—partly. He looked everywhere but at Marvin, and he saw Marvin just deflate.

“What did I do?” he asked quietly, seriously. “Please tell me.”

Whizzer stared at the floor, blinking away tears. He saw Marvin nod minutely in his peripheral vision. 

“Just… whenever you want to talk to me, I’ll be in there,” he said, gesturing toward the living room. He backed away tentatively, slipping into the living room and closing the hall door gently behind him.

Whizzer chewed on his lip, feeling sick to his stomach. He pressed his palms into his eyes, frustrated at himself, at Marvin, at everything. He rushed down the hall and threw himself on the bed, pulling a pillow over his head and trying not to think about anything. Marvin was right. Something was wrong. Everything was wrong. Getting back together with Marvin had seemed so promising; Marvin had been so excited to see Whizzer again, and Whizzer had been hesitant but not unwilling, but Whizzer was holding himself back and Marvin’s enthusiasm had dimmed in the few months they’d been back together now. 

Whizzer was trying not to wonder whether he’d made a mistake. Whether _they’d_ made a mistake. Whether they just weren’t meant to be together after all. Maybe they should have just taken the first time as a sign that they just weren’t compatible. But Whizzer liked Marvin. He liked Marvin more than anyone else he’d ever been with, and it was painful to be on his toes whenever Marvin was around, but he wanted to make this work somehow. He had no choice. He’d have to talk this through with Marvin eventually, or their relationship would destroy itself again. He didn’t want to go through that again. Never again. 

So as painful as it was, as difficult as it was, and without knowing what on earth he was going to say, he reluctantly dragged himself off the bed and went out to the living room, where Marvin was staring blankly off at the wall. He was holding a book limply in his hands, as though he had been trying to read but couldn’t focus. He looked small. Helpless.

“I’m old,” Whizzer blurted out.

Marvin looked up quickly, the book sliding out of his hands. It hit the floor with a dull crack.

“What?”

“I’m—” Whizzer cut himself off with a hand over his mouth. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “You don’t want me anymore and I’m— that’s— that’s— I’m old and—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, where is this coming from?” Marvin said, jumping up and hurrying over. He took Whizzer’s elbow and put a hand on his shoulder. “I do want you. Of course I want you. And you’re not old. What’s going on, baby? Where is this coming from?”

“You won’t have sex with me,” Whizzer said, rushing, voice quivering. “And I’m not pretty anymore, I know, and—”

Whizzer paused, gasping for breath, and Marvin put his arm around Whizzer’s waist. 

“Take a deep breath—you’re going to pass out.” He rubbed his lower back reassuringly. 

“I…” Whizzer sighed, frustrated and hurt and unable to convey anything he was feeling. “Never mind. Never mind, it’s not important.”

“Whizzer… baby… Can I say something?”

Whizzer shrugged, his chest starting to hurt.

“You haven’t taken your shirt off during sex since we got back together. And you only want to have sex at night with the lights down, on your hands and knees. I’ve noticed, baby. Are you afraid I won’t like how you look?”

Whizzer nodded quickly, as though hoping Marvin wouldn’t see that admission.

“Baby…” Marvin stepped in front of him and took both his hands in his own. “What happened? You were so confident two years ago. Did somebody hurt you while we were apart?”

“I’m…” Whizzer paused, wondering how on earth he was going to explain this to Marvin. “You… Everyone always used to talk about how pretty I was and then… I’m getting older and I hate it.”

Marvin put his lips on Whizzer’s shoulder through his shirt—warm and soft—and punctuated his words with light kisses. “Whizzer… I know I fucked up big time back then, so I understand if you don’t quite trust me or believe me, because I used to talk about what you looked like a lot, but I’ve changed. Really, I have. I really don’t care if you’re getting older, baby. You still look as pretty to me as the day we met.”

“It wasn’t just you,” Whizzer said, and he wasn’t just trying to make Marvin feel better. There had been plenty of people who made snide comments about his looks, and over the years, some of the meanest comments stuck around, coming back to haunt him at the worst times. “But I can’t look at myself,” Whizzer continued despairingly, and feeling like he was doing a terrible job of explaining everything he was feeling at that moment. “I’m not— Things are… are… _wrong._ You wouldn’t want to see that.”

“Yes, I would. I do. Imperfection is sexy,” Marvin said, and Whizzer almost laughed out loud at the way the word “sexy” sounded coming from Marvin’s lips. Marvin never said anything or anyone was “sexy,” and it felt so foreign to hear him say it; the way he said it was as though the word felt uncomfortable in his mouth. Whizzer snorted and Marvin, misunderstanding, ran his hands up and down Whizzer’s shoulders. “Yes, it is.”

“How?” Whizzer said, disdainful, disbelieving. He didn’t want to have this conversation with Marvin, not at all.

“You can’t have intimacy without imperfection.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Look,” Marvin said, “if you’d had plastic surgery and had an absolutely perfect body, getting naked wouldn’t mean anything. It wouldn’t be an act of intimacy anymore because you have no flaws to reveal, no insecurities to entrust to another person. Intimacy means trusting somebody to love you, imperfections and all, and if you don’t have that, you can never be truly intimate with somebody. Your imperfections are a part of you, and I have the privilege of seeing those parts—the ones you hide from everyone else. I cherish your intimacy. You are a delight, Whizzer.”

Whizzer’s composure crumbled. He covered his face with his hands, tears escaping, falling silently down his cheeks. Marvin put a warm hand on his back, his thumb and forefinger rubbing small circles into his ribs. Neither spoke, but neither needed to, and they were still silent even as Marvin led Whizzer to the bedroom, climbed on the bed, and opened his arms. Whizzer put his head on Marvin’s chest and his tears dampened Marvin’s shirt after a while, but Marvin just massaged his scalp and rubbed his back and let him cry as long as he needed. 

Marvin and Whizzer’s needs when they were upset were incredibly different. Marvin channeled his upset into anger most of the time, and he liked to be left alone to work things out in his head until he was ready to rant to Whizzer about whatever it was that upset him. Whizzer, on the other hand, liked to have someone to be with him, sitting with him in silence, letting him lean on them. He had trouble articulating his feelings and wished Marvin could just somehow read his mind so he didn’t have to struggle to explain it all, and he often didn’t have the words he needed to say anything at all when he was upset, so silence was necessary for him to be able to think at all. 

Marvin was rubbing his thumb into the base of Whizzer’s neck when Whizzer finally took a few shaky breaths, his tears beginning to dry up. His eyes were puffy and stinging and his head felt stuffy and sore now. He wiped his cheeks with his hand, suddenly self-conscious that Marvin would see him like this, as though Marvin wasn’t there already, his arm around him. Marvin cradled his face with a cool hand and ran his thumb gently back and forth across his cheek. Whizzer turned his face into Marvin’s hand and leaned more heavily against him, closing his eyes.

Like this, he could pretend nothing was amiss—that he wasn’t self-conscious about himself, that he hadn’t been crying all afternoon. Marvin started stroking Whizzer’s hair gently, and he almost started crying again with the tenderness of it all. 

“Hey,” Marvin said softly, as if he knew, “it’s alright.”

Whizzer sat up then, pulling himself away from Marvin’s arms and ducking to wipe his face with his hands again. He hugged his legs and rested his head on his knees, not really wanting to say anything. He slid off the bed after a minute and slipped into the bathroom, washing his face and feeling ashamed for having cried. His eyes were red-rimmed and his lips were dark red and swollen, and he tried to wash it all away, but to no avail. The redness lingered.

He must have spent too long in the bathroom because there was suddenly a knock on the door.

“Baby? You okay in there?”

Whizzer opened the door, head hurting, chest aching, eyes stinging.

“Can I hug you?” Marvin asked, extending his arms.

Whizzer held out his arms in response and Marvin put his arms around Whizzer’s neck and shoulders, squeezing him tightly. Whizzer could feel the flutter of Marvin’s breath across his neck. Marvin rocked him back and forth, just slightly, and the side to side movement was very calming.

After a while, Marvin pulled out of the hug, smoothed Whizzer’s hair down, and suggested they order in. Whizzer, feeling a little bit sick to his stomach, didn’t eat much of the food they ordered, which Marvin didn’t comment on, and after Marvin had boxed up the leftovers, he leaned over Whizzer from behind, hooking his neck over his shoulder and wrapping his arms around his chest.

“It’s been a long day. Let’s watch something and go to bed early and we’ll pick up our conversation tomorrow. Does that sound good?”

“Yeah,” Whizzer said quietly. It would give him time to think through everything. He hadn’t been prepared to talk about it this afternoon, and he figured Marvin could tell, judging by the way he’d jumped in and done most of the talking when Whizzer was stumbling. They watched whatever movie was on TV, Marvin holding his hand and massaging his knuckles the entire time, and Whizzer was ready to fall asleep on the couch by the time the movie finished, exhausted from crying, exhausted from being stressed about being naked and vulnerable, exhausted from being stressed about talking to Marvin about it, and exhausted from walking on eggshells around people for the past two years—it was all catching up to him.

Marvin held his arms out once they’d gotten into bed, and Whizzer fell asleep secure in Marvin’s arms, held close, feeling warm and safe and loved.

*

Marvin was fortunate enough to have a long weekend, with Friday off, and he spent most of it in bed with Whizzer. They decided to wait on sex until Whizzer felt comfortable enough for it, and so they just lay around for hours every day, Marvin gently coaxing Whizzer to talk him through everything he didn’t like about himself or thought Marvin might not like anymore—from his thinning hairline to his slightly pudgy stomach to the age spots on his arms and chest—and Marvin listened and understood and wiped any distraught tears away when they fell.

“Can I tell you about what I love?” Marvin asked once Whizzer had halted through everything he hated, which took several days, as Whizzer would refuse to talk for hours on end, not knowing what to say or where to begin, or feeling ashamed of hating parts of himself. But Marvin was patient and sat quietly with Whizzer when he had trouble speaking. 

Marvin put his arm around Whizzer’s shoulders and kissed his forehead. Whizzer leaned into Marvin’s warm touch. He nodded, having no idea what Marvin would say.

“I love your crow’s feet,” Marvin said, touching them. “And your smile lines.” He touched the corners of Whizzer’s lips. “I _want_ you to have wrinkles here. It means you’re happy and I want you to be happy. I want you to laugh and smile so much that it gets imprinted in your skin.” 

“I love your birthmark—” He lifted Whizzer’s left arm and pulled his sleeve up over his shoulder. “—on the underside of your arm that’s shaped like a kiss.” He pressed his lips to it. “It’s the perfect imprint,” he said, kissing it again. It tickled a little that time and Whizzer squirmed, which made Marvin laugh. He slid his hand around to Whizzer’s lower back. “I love the stretch marks you have on your ass,” he said, moving his hand down and gently touching. “They look like…” He paused to think, closing his eyes as though trying to remember the exact pattern of the marks on Whizzer’s skin. “They look like light reflecting off rippling water. Or… flowering vines wrapping around you.” 

Whizzer sighed, smiling, and shook his head minutely. Marvin kissed his jaw, mumbling, “Don’t shake your head, I mean it,” as he did. He climbed into Whizzer’s lap and wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. “I also love that you have a new mole on your dick. It’s cute.”

“It’s embarrassing,” Whizzer complained into Marvin’s shoulder. 

Marvin leaned back to look him in the eyes. “If I wanted a perfect dick, I’d go to a porn store and buy one. I want _yours_ , moles and all. I have discolored spots all over my junk and that’s never kept you from having sex with me, has it?” 

Whizzer shook his head. “No,” he said softly, tears welling in his eyes again. He chewed on his lip. “It wouldn’t,” he added, and Marvin enveloped him in a tight hug again. 

They lay in each other’s arms for a long while, and Whizzer felt so warm and secure with Marvin’s weight on top of him. 

“How are you feeling, baby?” Marvin asked as the room started to darken. “You wanna get up, have something to eat? Talk some more?”

“Marv…” Whizzer said quietly.

“Yeah, baby?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Marvin said, and Whizzer pulled him in for a kiss.

*

When Marvin came home from work Monday evening, he instructed Whizzer to get into his pajamas because they were going out, and Whizzer, perplexed, bombarded him with questions, none of which Marvin answered. Whizzer was simultaneously surprised, nervous, excited, and apprehensive to see a mischievous glint in Marvin's eye, so when Marvin, finally exasperated by all the questions, pushed his pajamas into his hands and said, “Change,” he retreated to the bathroom and did just that.

When he emerged, Marvin was in his pajamas too, dangling the car keys from his finger.

“ _What_ is going on?” Whizzer asked, throwing his arms up.

“Have you peed? We’re going on a road trip.”

 _Finally_ , Marvin had answered something. “A road trip? Like this?” Whizzer felt slightly panicked at the fact that Marvin was taking him out in the car for an unspecified amount of time in his _pajamas_ , of all things.

“Yep.” He put his hand on Whizzer’s hip. “You’ll be fine. This is going to be fun. It’s a surprise and I’m not ruining it.”

“In my _pajamas_?”

“Yep. So go to the bathroom. I don’t want to have to stop on the way there.”

Marvin refused to give out any more information, despite Whizzer’s continued begging for answers, so Whizzer found himself in the car, being told to take a nap if he wanted, because the drive was pretty long.

“It’s seven-thirty. I’m not tired,” Whizzer said, folding his arms and staring out the window. 

Whizzer didn’t end up staring out the window for very long, because once they were out of the city, Marvin insisted he close his eyes or look away every time they passed a sign that indicated where they were or where they were going.

After two hours in the car, Whizzer had asked Marvin about fifty times where the hell he was taking him, and Marvin had ignored every one of those questions. Except this one.

“Just a little bit longer,” Marvin said, and Whizzer leaned his head back and closed his eyes, finally accepting that Marvin wasn’t going to tell him anything.

He hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep until he felt Marvin kissing him awake and leaning over him to unbuckle his seat belt. 

“Hey,” Marvin said, “we’re here.”

Whizzer sat up and Marvin pulled him out of the car. 

“Come on.” 

Wherever Marvin had brought him, it was silent and dark and still, so unlike the city. Marvin led him around to the back of the car. Whizzer, still blinking to clear his eyes from his nap, realized belatedly that Marvin had put the seats down flat and spread out blankets and pillows. Marvin crawled into the back and Whizzer followed, still unsure what the point of all this was.

It was only when he lay down and looked up, he realized, and he took a quick intake of breath at the sight.

Marvin had opened the sunroof to reveal the night sky, sparkling with the light of thousands of stars above them. 

Whizzer laughed in delight. “This is amazing.”

“Do you like it?”

He reached over to grab Marvin’s hand and give it a squeeze. “I love it.”

Marvin squeezed his hand back. “I just… We haven’t gone on a date in a while and I really wanted to just spend time with you. Alone. Out of the house.”

Whizzer’s heart swelled and he swallowed a sudden lump in his throat. He looked back at the night sky through the sunroof and held Marvin’s hand and felt so calm and peaceful—more so than he’d been in a long time. They spent a while talking about the stars—trading constellation names and ancient mythologies about those constellations—until Marvin said they should probably go back home, because if they didn’t leave soon, he’d be too tired to drive all the way back.

Whizzer fell asleep in the car on the way back, despite insisting he wasn’t tired, and Marvin woke him up with a smirk, saying, “If you were smaller than me, I’d pick you up and carry you in, but unfortunately, your genes decided to ruin the potential romance of this moment.”

Whizzer’s stomach gave a little excitable flip-flop at that, and he just leaned on Marvin on the way in, wishing, for once in his life, that he was shorter than Marvin. He just about collapsed into bed when Marvin finally led him there, eyes hardly open. He felt Marvin get into bed with him a few minutes later, and barely awake, he managed to roll toward him, seeking his warmth and comfort. 

Things were getting better. Easier. It was easier to be with Marvin now than it had only a week ago, and on Thursday night, Whizzer changed into his pajama pants in front of Marvin—the first time he’d done so since the first time they were together—but he retreated to the bathroom to change his shirt, still intensely uncomfortable with letting Marvin see his stomach. Marvin didn’t make much of a big deal out of it, which Whizzer was glad about, but he did brush his hand across Whizzer’s hip as he walked by, a quiet acknowledgement.

Over the next week, things improved dramatically. Whizzer was comfortable around Marvin—really comfortable—and it was such a relief to be able to wake up next to him and not have to rush off to make himself look presentable before Marvin could see all that wasn’t perfect about his skin. Whizzer would usually wake up before Marvin, but instead of bolting to the bathroom, he stayed put, Marvin’s arm draped heavily across his waist, until Marvin would wake up, grumble at him to roll over, and kiss Whizzer sleepily on the cheek or forehead—wherever he could reach.

Marvin didn’t go out of his way to call attention to the fact that Whizzer was working on his body image issues, which Whizzer appreciated, but he threw out quiet compliments every once in a while, and was more tactile than usual, and whenever Whizzer needed to talk or cry, he was there to listen and reassure him and tell him it was alright. Marvin was… wonderful.

*

On a cool Monday morning a week later, Whizzer woke pressed against Marvin’s chest, Marvin’s arm curled around him, his hand in his hair, holding him close. He closed his eyes and just focused on the heat of Marvin’s skin through his shirt. He didn’t usually wake up facing Marvin, but he certainly didn’t mind waking up plastered to Marvin’s front. Marvin was clingy when he slept, not that Whizzer minded—he never minded when Marvin was feeling clingy—but he had pulled Whizzer much closer than usual, and Whizzer could hear every one of Marvin’s heartbeats, slow and steady and so familiar.

Whizzer felt a warmth spread through him, and he wondered… was he ready to have sex in the open, unafraid to show himself off? They’d gone nearly two and a half weeks now without sex to talk things through, get on the same page about Whizzer’s insecurities and reluctance to let Marvin see him naked. He’d started changing in front of Marvin—one article of clothing at any given time—and even managed to stand in front of the mirror without pants, Marvin’s chin hooked over his shoulder and his arms around his waist as they talked about the scar on Whizzer’s left thigh. Marvin had kissed it—the first intimate touch close to Whizzer’s cock—and Whizzer had felt a warmth then, but it wasn’t quite the same as it was now.

He shifted around in Marvin’s arms to see the clock. It was five-forty-five, over an hour before Marvin had to get up to get ready for work. Whizzer extracted himself from Marvin’s arms, knowing Marvin wouldn’t wake up because until his alarm went off, he was dead to the world. He went to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes had thankfully lost the puffiness they’d been sporting for the last couple days, since Marvin had kept making him cry with the things he’d been saying, and Whizzer thought he looked better than he had in a long time. Marvin’s words of reassurance had helped him greatly, but it was more the constant physical affection Marvin had been lavishing upon him that had him feeling better. 

Nerves curling in his stomach, he went to the bathroom and took a quick shower—cleaning up and opening himself up a bit just in case he decided he was comfortable enough to initiate sex—without wetting his hair, of course, and then went and climbed back into bed with Marvin, who made a little noise when he nuzzled under his arm, but didn’t wake. Whizzer’s stomach churned. He was nervous to potentially have sex without hiding himself, but Marvin had him feeling good about himself and he did feel slightly tingly—what he’d done in the shower probably contributed to that, but it was a pretty good feeling, nervousness aside.

Snuggled against Marvin, he drifted off into an uneven sleep, nerves keeping him from being able to fully relax, but he was very comfortable and very warm. He woke up again a little later, Marvin kissing his forehead and stroking his hair and cheek. 

“Do you have to go to work?” Whizzer murmured, squeezing Marvin’s hip.

“Mm-hm… but I don’t have to be in until noon today.”

Whizzer’s stomach flip-flopped and he felt a zingy feeling in his fingertips. If he decided he wanted to try having sex this morning, they’d have as much time as they needed and nothing would be rushed. 

“I don’t want to get up,” Marvin said, kissing Whizzer’s forehead once more, “but I really have to piss. I’ll come back,” he added when Whizzer made a noise in protest. “I’ll come back, baby. I gotta get up.”

Marvin got up and Whizzer flopped down into the warm spot he’d just left. His mind was racing. Was he ready? Physically, yes. He was ready. He hadn’t had any sex in almost two and a half weeks. His body was absolutely ready. But mentally? He wasn’t quite sure. Part of him wondered if he felt like he owed Marvin sex for all the sweet things he’d been saying all week, but he quickly pushed that from him mind. No, of course not. Marvin had said sex would happen on Whizzer’s terms, when Whizzer was comfortable enough to have sex without being afraid of what his body might look like or what Marvin might say about it. From the looks of it, Marvin was prepared to wait weeks—or months, maybe—as he hadn’t brought it up since the day he’d handed control over to Whizzer. Whatever Whizzer chose to do, it would be his decision, and his decision only. 

The mattress dipped and Marvin climbed back into bed, tugging Whizzer close. He pushed his face into Marvin’s neck, inhaling Marvin’s smell, and it calmed him immediately. His mind wandered, thinking back on all the things Marvin had said about his body over the past two weeks—all the sweet things, the wonderful things, the reassuring things—but especially that little speech he’d given right at the beginning of all this, about imperfection and intimacy, and how much it had affected the way Whizzer thought about himself, and he felt a sudden, deep, painful longing to be intimate with Marvin, to build intimacy in that way, to just be _himself_ with Marvin, imperfections and all. 

He took Marvin’s hand and caressed his palm gently, wondering how on earth he should go about saying this. How to ask for sex? That was something he wasn’t sure he’d ever had to do—most of the time, a glance or a suggestive raise of an eyebrow or simply pulling his pants down and bending over was enough to get the message across—and he didn’t know how. He turned over several ways to say it in his mind, feeling Marvin’s chest rise and fall beneath him, and decided that the only way to get it across plainly and clearly was to just be direct.

“I want to have sex,” he said. He was trying to sound confident and self-assured, but he thought he might have just sounded nervous, which wouldn’t be completely wrong, but it wasn’t completely right either.

Marvin nodded, reaching out to touch his face. “Just say when,” he murmured, brushing Whizzer’s hair aside.

Whizzer unbuttoned the top two buttons of Marvin’s sleep shirt and pulled it open just enough to put his lips on Marvin’s chest. “Now,” he whispered into Marvin’s skin, and Marvin brushed Whizzer’s hair out of the way to cup the back of his neck.

“Baby…” Marvin said quietly as Whizzer unbuttoned more of his shirt and put his mouth on one of his nipples. “Baby… Hold on, baby.”

Whizzer pulled away and looked at Marvin. Marvin scooted out of the way until they were both at eye-level. 

“You said ‘just say when,’” Whizzer said, breathing heavily, now unsure.

“I know, I know. But— How are you feeling?”

“Horny.”

Marvin reached out to touch his cheek. “No, really. You know what I’m asking. As horrible as this is going to sound, I don’t want us to have sex just because you’re horny. I want this when you feel comfortable enough with your body to really want it and enjoy it and feel good about it.”

Whizzer closed his eyes and deliberately relaxed his entire body. He did feel comfortable. Slightly nervous, but comfortable, and he really wanted Marvin’s hands on him and his lips on him and his cock in him, and he wanted, for the first time in a very long time, to show off and feel a bit like he used to—confident, sexy, beautiful… everything Marvin assured him he still was. He wanted to prove Marvin right. He wanted to be vulnerable and imperfectly perfect for Marvin. And for himself. 

“I’m comfortable,” Whizzer said quietly. “I want this.”

Marvin nodded. “Okay.” He took a deep breath and leaned in. 

Whizzer met his lips hungrily, and he fumbled around for the buttons of Marvin’s sleep shirt. Finding them, he undid them quickly, pulling Marvin’s shirt aside and putting his hands on Marvin’s chest firmly. Marvin hadn’t gone after Whizzer’s shirt or pants yet. He was keeping his hands securely around Whizzer’s waist, unmoving, which was uncharacteristic of him, and Whizzer wanted to be touched by those hands.

He broke his lips away and kissed down Marvin’s neck. “Touch me, please,” he whispered, though he thought it probably sounded more like begging than anything else. 

Marvin finally moved his hands, sliding down his back to cup and squeeze his ass. He squeezed again and Whizzer involuntarily pushed forward, pressing his groin into Marvin’s hip. He groaned softly. Marvin slipped his hands beneath the back of Whizzer’s shirt, pressing his palms flat to Whizzer’s lower back. 

Whizzer broke away for just a moment and sat up enough to shimmy out of his pajama pants. Marvin massaged his cock through his underwear, pushing Whizzer back against the headboard of the bed and pressing up against him. He kissed down Whizzer’s neck as he rolled their hips together again and again and Whizzer was digging his nails into Marvin’s shoulders and gripping his hair and pushing his hips up, the feeling of Marvin on top of him overwhelming.

He yanked impatiently at Marvin’s pants, and Marvin, huffing, pulled them off and flung them behind him. His shirt followed, and then there was a moment of stillness where Whizzer went to pull his own shirt off in the heat of the moment before a spark of fear shot through him as he realized what he was about to do and he hesitated. Marvin touched the inside of his wrist.

“We can wait, baby. If you need to wait, that’s okay.”

Whizzer closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of Marvin’s body against him, Marvin’s hand on his skin, and feeling love radiating through every place they were touching. 

He stripped his shirt off and dropped it over the edge of the bed. 

Marvin ran his hands up his thighs and up to his stomach. He rested them there for a moment before moving upward, finding and tracing Whizzer’s nipples and collarbones with his fingers. He pushed Whizzer onto his back and started kissing down his chest. 

He hovered over Whizzer’s navel, hands on the waistband of his underwear, questioning. Whizzer nodded. Marvin kissed his hipbone as he tugged them down. He got them off completely, and Whizzer curled his toes and kept his knees closed, unused to and uncomfortable with this position after years of insisting on doggy for every sexual encounter he had.

Marvin scooted up the bed to kiss him, and as he did, he let his hand roam over Whizzer’s stomach until he brushed his fingers over Whizzer’s cock. Whizzer took a quick intake of breath, his eyes flying open at the sensation. Marvin opened his eyes.

“This okay, baby?” he asked. 

Whizzer met his eyes. “Yes,” he whispered.

Marvin stroked him lightly, running a featherlight brush of his fingers over the tip every once in a while, and he started to relax, the tension he was holding in his legs starting to ease away. Feeling much more comfortable, he let his legs fall open slightly, and Marvin took that as an invitation to move down the bed to lie in between his legs, his lips dangerously close to Whizzer’s cock. He nuzzled his cheek against the inside of Whizzer’s thigh and Whizzer let out a soft whine. 

“I like hearing that noise,” Marvin said, sucking a dark bruise into Whizzer’s thigh.

Whizzer let out a strangled, breathy laugh as Marvin worked his way up his thigh. “Don’t— Don’t stop,” was all he managed to say.

He felt a rush of warm air before Marvin’s dragged his tongue agonizingly slowly up the length of his cock. 

“Fuck!”

Whizzer nearly bucked his hips up but restrained himself at the last second. Marvin’s mouth was warm and wet and the feeling was overwhelming for Whizzer, who hadn’t let anyone blow him since he’d discovered that second mole about a year ago, which was in a much more prominent place on his cock than the first one. After a few minutes, the sensations were so intense that he tugged Marvin off, gasping that he wasn’t going to last, and for a few lustful moments, his insecurities about his appearance vanished entirely. 

He jerked Marvin off while his head cleared a bit, and Marvin put his head on his shoulder and whispered things that Whizzer loved, but couldn’t remember after they’d been said. Marvin pulled away after a while and kissed Whizzer’s jaw.

“How are you feeling?”

Whizzer sighed heavily and looked up at the ceiling. “Really good.”

Marvin pressed his cheek to Whizzer’s and nodded. “Tell me when you’re ready for—”

“Yeah. Now. Please.”

Marvin grinned and said, “Stay sitting or lay down?”

“Stay like this.”

Marvin pressed a kiss to his cheek and crawled across the bed to retrieve the lube. Whizzer made himself comfortable, poking at his stomach as he did so, wondering if it would look better if he lay down. 

“Hey,” Marvin murmured, curling his hand around the back of Whizzer’s neck, “you look so pretty, baby.” He took Whizzer’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “Need to pause for a minute? Or stop?”

Whizzer put a hand on his stomach, and Marvin put his hand on top of Whizzer’s. 

Whizzer shook his head. “No. I’m okay.” 

Marvin kissed him lightly and nudged Whizzer’s legs open a little bit wider, pouring lube on his fingers and spreading it around. 

Since Whizzer was already fairly open from the shower earlier, it didn’t take much before Whizzer was gently pushing Marvin onto his back. He straddled Marvin’s hips and reached down to take Marvin’s cock in his hand. He stroked it with a lubed hand for a minute before positioning himself above it. He looked down at Marvin, who was staring up at him, face red, and he felt his stomach flip-flop. He had no idea what he looked like to Marvin from this angle, but he tried to set all feelings of discomfort aside. Marvin looked a little out of it already. He probably wasn’t really paying attention to what Whizzer looked like anyway right now.

He eased himself down on Marvin’s cock carefully, not having had sex in this position in a very long time. It felt… really good to have Marvin fill him like this, in this way. Being on his hands and knees was satisfying, but not like this… the angle and being able to sit was perfect for him. His eyes watered slightly, it felt so good.

Fully seated on Marvin’s hips, he leaned forward and down just a bit to grasp Marvin’s hands, perhaps an unconscious attempt to shield, at least a little bit, his stomach from view. Marvin’s hands were slightly sweaty and damp, but they were warm and solid and reassuring, and he leaned down far enough to kiss him, starting to lift and lower his hips. 

Marvin gripped his hands and moaned into his mouth, “Whiz, baby, you feel so good. Baby, baby… You’re so beautiful. You’re so pretty sitting like that, baby…” 

Goosebumps ripples across Whizzer’s skin. The things Marvin could do to him with just his voice—he let out a little laugh, which Marvin returned even though he surely had no idea why Whizzer was laughing. God. They hadn’t laughed during sex for so long. It felt good. Relaxing. Whizzer went still for a moment and just leaned down to lay his head on Marvin’s shoulder. Marvin wrapped his arms around Whizzer’s waist and squeezed him.

“I love you,” he said, his lips moving against Whizzer’s forehead. “Are you still comfortable?”

Whizzer threaded his hands into Marvin’s hair. “I’m… doing alright,” he said, trying to be truthful. He was thinking a lot about how he looked to Marvin, and knowing Marvin cared enough about his well-being to ask if he was comfortable made him feel cherished. He’d forgotten how to really let somebody love him.

Marvin ran his hands up and down his back. “We can stop. If this is too much, we can stop.”

“No, it’s… okay. I’m okay. I’m comfortable.”

“Baby…” Marvin said, beginning to massage his back as he talked, “you’re really brave, you know that? Talking to me, letting me know what’s been going on, telling me the things you’re most afraid of… and all the progress you’ve made these last two weeks—looking at yourself in the mirror, changing in front of me, letting me see you in the morning before you’re all dolled up, and now this… you are so brave. And I love you, and I love the way you look all the time, not just when you’re dressed up nice.”

“Marvin…” Whizzer whispered.

“And I really love the way you look when you’re naked and pretty and enjoying yourself.” That made the corners of Whizzer’s lips quirk in a half-smile. “So if you’re not enjoying yourself and need a little more time, we can stop.”

Whizzer kissed Marvin’s neck and lifted his hips up and down once. Marvin hissed. Whizzer laughed.

“You’re a tease,” Marvin said, breathless. 

“I love you,” Whizzer said, and he propped himself up over Marvin to look at him. “I’m doing my best and it’s hard, but I am enjoying myself. I promise.”

Marvin touched his chest. “I’m proud of you.”

Marvin kissed his cheek and Whizzer put his head back down on Marvin’s shoulder. He started moving his hips again and Marvin let out a little noise and put his hand on Whizzer’s head, applying just enough pressure to make him feel very loved and very, very safe. He wouldn’t want to be vulnerable with anyone else.

This was more comfort sex than anything else—sex with the goal of connecting and comforting instead of being purely pleasure-driven. Lying on Marvin like this wasn’t the best angle, sensation-wise, for Whizzer, but with Marvin’s hand on his head and his other arm around him, he wanted to stay like that.

So he did. He lay on Marvin, breathing into Marvin’s neck, moving gently, while Marvin held him in place, warm and secure. Like this, he didn’t have to think about how he looked, and he let his mind go blank, completely at ease.

What they were doing could hardly be called sex, he thought vaguely. Although he liked lying with Marvin like this, and it felt good, if he wanted it to feel _really_ good, he’d have to make an adjustment. He was never going to come in this position. It just wasn’t happening. 

“I need— I need to change,” he said eventually, stopping his movements.

Marvin patted his lower back. “Change however you need it, baby.”

Whizzer touched his cheek lightly. At that moment, the sun streamed through the curtains, filling the room with a buoyant, golden light and warming his back. He sat up carefully and leaned back on his hands, arching his neck and grinding slowly on Marvin’s cock instead of what he’d been doing, and he felt the faint buzz under his skin ignite with fervor. This felt so much better. He felt Marvin grasp his wrist weakly and he glanced down. Marvin was looking up at him, eyes wide and awed.

“The sun— You look like an angel,” Marvin whispered. “You’re so beautiful.” He reached up to brush a tuft of hair away from Whizzer’s cheek and Whizzer looked up at the ceiling, eyes suddenly wet. He felt Marvin run his hands up his thighs and grab hold, massaging and caressing, and he was overwhelmed by the tenderness he realized he’d been missing for the past couple months. By wanting Marvin to just fuck him and be done with it, he’d missed Marvin’s sweetness and gentleness. 

He put his hands on top of Marvin’s and rocked his hips back and forth, and he heard Marvin hiss out a desperate, “Fuck, baby,” whenever he deliberately clenched and relaxed.

He closed his eyes and rocked and he was so at peace, so calm, so content… Even the first time around, he’d never felt like this with Marvin. If this was what Marvin meant when he talked about intimacy, he wanted to feel like this forever. He wanted sex to feel like this forever. He felt the lightest brush of Marvin’s hands on his hips and heard the soft whisper of “Whizzer, baby, I love you,” and he wanted to cry.

He felt the buzz intensify suddenly, quickly, and his entire body was humming and vibrating with the weight of all he was feeling. He rocked back and forth a little bit faster now, and he didn’t think his body had ever felt quite like this before. That warmth he had felt a little earlier had spread through his body, a warm glow, a tingling, and he felt it trickling down his spine toward his pelvis. The trickling got further and further down and he knew that when it reached his pelvis, he would come. His breath hitched automatically. He felt a faint touch to his thigh, close to his cock, and his vision blurred and he felt an orgasm beginning—that rolling wave of intense sexual pleasure, pulling away, and then rushing back in and his vision went white. He clenched his knees around Marvin’s body as he came, twitching and convulsing, his knees and arms shaking, the sensation of complete euphoria rippling through him.

He heard Marvin mutter something—an exclamation—and he felt Marvin’s cock swell just a bit larger, get just a little bit harder, and then he could feel it twitching inside him as Marvin came. 

He heard Marvin take several shaky, uneven breaths, and then a quiet, “Whiz? Baby?”

The sound of Marvin’s voice, so calm, so soft, sent a wave of goosebumps across his skin. He opened his eyes, heavy-lidded, and blinked down at Marvin, who was smiling softly up at him. His bottom lip quivered, his eyebrows pinched together, and he looked away from Marvin to keep from crying. But this feeling was happy—euphoric, still. He turned his face into the sun and let a few tears roll down his cheeks.

“Baby…” he heard again, and he turned back to Marvin, whose eyes were shining. “Are you okay?” Marvin asked, clearly concerned.

He nodded. He lifted off Marvin’s cock gingerly and Marvin scrambled up to hold him. Marvin lay him down on the bed, lifting his hips enough to put a clean towel beneath him, just in case, and cuddled up to him.

They hadn’t cuddled naked since the first time they were together, and they’d only ever done it when they’d worn themselves out so much that they couldn’t move after. They’d never done it just to be close to one another, and this was sweet and wonderful. Marvin’s fingers running up and down the inside of his arm was soothing and calming. He loved their closeness.

“Talk to me?” Marvin asked, touching his face. “You’re being so quiet, baby.”

“You mean a lot to me,” Whizzer whispered, putting his palm on Marvin’s chest, feeling it rise and fall.

“You mean a lot to me too, baby. And you look so pretty like this.”

Marvin fitted his arm beneath Whizzer’s head and slipped his leg between Whizzer’s, hooking their ankles together. Whizzer sighed, relaxing completely, just letting Marvin’s arm hold his head up. He studied Marvin’s face through half-closed eyes and saw the sweet expression Marvin was wearing when he looked at him. He felt very warm inside. 

“I love the way you look,” Marvin continued softly, touching Whizzer’s stomach lightly. “And when I said you looked like an angel…” He let out a small laugh, looking slightly embarrassed at what he’d said. “No… I shouldn’t laugh. The way the sun was shining behind you, through your hair—” He brushed his knuckles across Whizzer’s cheek, and to Whizzer’s surprise, he saw that Marvin’s eyes were slightly wet. “You were the most… beautiful person I’ve ever seen. You are. You always are.”

Whizzer smiled, too tired and too overwhelmed to form words in response. He hoped Marvin understood. He slipped his arm over Marvin’s waist. Marvin’s skin was cool and damp to touch, but so very comforting. They lay together quietly for a while, slowly inching closer and closer until they were completely pressed up against each other, hugging, arms firmly around each other. Whizzer appreciated Marvin more than he could ever say. Marvin wasn’t the same man he’d been two years earlier. He was softer, kinder, sweeter, calmer—and Whizzer knew after these last couple weeks that he had nothing to worry about. Marvin was solid and steady and unwavering and supportive. He was everything Whizzer needed him to be.

“You up for a shower?” Marvin mumbled into Whizzer’s hair after a while.

“With you?”

“Yeah. I mean… if you’re comfortable with that. I’d enjoy taking a shower with you.”

“I think… I would really like to take a shower with you,” Whizzer said, drumming his fingers on Marvin’s back absentmindedly. 

Marvin extracted himself from Whizzer’s arms and leaned over him, thumbing at his bottom lip. “A shower or a _shower_?”

Butterflies rippled through Whizzer’s stomach. He met Marvin’s eyes. He took a deep breath, suddenly feeling very attractive and very confident. “A… _shower_.”

Marvin grinned and leaned down to kiss him before grabbing his hand and pulling him up from the bed.

Marvin was all over him in the shower, kissing him, touching him, pressing up against him, making him laugh, and making him feel appreciated and loved. Toward the end of their shower, Marvin just put his arms around Whizzer and held him close for a while while the warm water poured over them. Marvin looked up at Whizzer and smiled. Whizzer smiled back.

“You are beautiful. And I love you and everything about you,” Marvin said, tugging at the hair at the nape of Whizzer’s neck. 

Whizzer shivered. He rested his forehead against Marvin’s. “I love you.”

Marvin kissed him and ran his hands through Whizzer’s wet hair, smoothing it out. “Now let me take care of you, baby. You deserve it.” 

Whizzer’s entire body prickled with goosebumps.

“Turn around. And hold on. We don’t want you falling, do we?”

Whizzer turned his back to Marvin, feeling a twinge of discomfort about putting himself on display in such a vulnerable way, but he pushed that feeling aside as he reached to take hold of the towel rack on the wall beyond the shower curtain. It probably wasn’t the sturdiest thing to hold onto, but there wasn’t much else and if Marvin was about to do what Whizzer figured he was about to do, he’d definitely need to be holding onto to _something_ at least.

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the shower wall, feeling the water on his skin and feeling Marvin’s hand trace the curve of his ass with a soft hand. The way they were standing, Whizzer could tell Marvin wasn’t getting any water in his face, and his stomach dropped delightfully when he felt Marvin’s lips brush his skin. 

“Marvin—” he whispered, breathless. 

“Yeah, baby?” Marvin murmured back.

Whizzer couldn’t speak. He gripped the bar he was holding more tightly and made a little noise of encouragement. Marvin laughed and pulled his cheeks apart and when he finally put his tongue on Whizzer’s hole after kissing and licking all around it, teasing, Whizzer saw white behind his eyes and he whined. He’d forgotten how talented Marvin was with his tongue, and how willing he was to do this for Whizzer. Marvin had learned early on in their relationship the first go-round how much Whizzer loved being eaten out, and he had gone for it with vigor and enthusiasm. 

Marvin was gripping Whizzer’s thighs, pulling him back more firmly, and when he pushed his tongue into Whizzer’s hole, Whizzer’s world tilted out of his favor and he let out a stream of gasps and a breathy chorus of “fuck, fuck, _fuck_ ,” his forehead sliding against the shower wall. 

He came with a shudder, knees going weak, and he got down on the floor of the shower on shaky legs and arms, directly under the spray, eyes squeezed shut. In an instant, Marvin was down on the floor with him, arm around him, asking if he was alright and running his hand through his hair gently.

“I haven’t— That was fast,” he said, a chuckle escaping, finally finding his voice. “No one’s done that for me in a while.”

Marvin cupped the back of his neck. “That’s a crime. You make such pretty noises.”

Whizzer turned his face into Marvin’s shoulder, partly out of embarrassment and partly out of needing to be closer to him, and reached down to jerk him off slowly, letting the water act as sufficient lubrication, studying the way Marvin’s eyelashes fluttered involuntarily as he started getting close. Whizzer took his time, realizing that it had been a long time since he’d actually really wanted to touch someone like this without trying to use it as a way to accelerate getting to sex.

So it was unlike anything Whizzer could have imagined—cuddled up to Marvin on the floor of the shower after just having been eaten out, making Marvin feel good, and feeling very good himself about being naked and being vulnerable and being, more than anything else, intimate. He felt warmer than he ever had, and happier, and more connected to Marvin than he thought he ever would. It was wonderful.

When they finally decided to get out, they dressed in silence, facing each other, looking at each other every once in a while. And when they finally made it back to the bed and found each other’s arms again, Whizzer was starting to get very sleepy.

“You know why I left Trina?” Marvin asked, tugging absentmindedly at the hem of Whizzer’s shirt.

“Because I was a good lay? And a man?”

“Sure. Both of those things. But the real reason? Because I loved you.”

Whizzer’s stomach did a backflip. He hadn't known Marvin loved him that early in their relationship.

“I loved you and I had this stupid, naive notion at the time that once I left her for you, you’d stop seeing other people and we’d be together forever.”

Whizzer laughed weakly. “You? A secret romantic?”

“Not secret anymore, I hope. But it was naivety that got me in the end. You were my first—well, only—male partner and I wanted it to be how I imagined. I fell for you fast—”

“One month.”

“Yeah, one month. Sounds silly now, doesn’t it?”

“Not silly. Naive.”

“Yes, naive, right. I thought I’d leave Trina and everything would fall into place and I could have you and my family and we’d all be happy. And it turns out real life doesn’t work like a fantasy. I wasn’t prepared to be angry and jealous, and I took it all out on you. I went after your appearance because…” Marvin’s voice cracked and for the first time, in all the time they’d been together, Whizzer saw him cry. 

“It’s okay,” Whizzer whispered, gripping his hand.

“No,” Marvin said, wiping his face. “No, it’s not. I went after your appearance because it felt like the only way I could get to you. I could have…” He took an uneven breath. “I could have called you a slut and a whore and it wouldn’t have done anything to you. But going after what you looked like always got a reaction out of you and it made me feel better and I am so… ashamed of the things I said. Especially because— I didn’t think— I should have— I loved you but I didn’t act like it and nobody deserves the way I treated you. I was a coward and I am sorry.”

Marvin carefully reached out his other hand and put it over his and Whizzer’s clasped hands. They lay in silence for a moment, Marvin’s hand resting heavy and warm on his, and in his, before Whizzer couldn’t help it and his lip quivered and he sniffed. Marvin squeezed his hand.

“Just know that I think you’re wonderful and I love you and you’re beautiful to me no matter how many lines or marks you’ve got on you. I have no idea how to repair all the damage I’ve caused but I’m going to try my best and—”

“You’re doing it,” Whizzer said quietly, interrupting him. “You’ve done so much.”

With that, Marvin fell silent, probably understanding that Whizzer didn’t want to talk about it right then. There would be a time and a place to talk about it later, but right now Whizzer just wanted to be held and maybe cry a little bit and laugh a little bit and just lie gently with Marvin, knowing everything was going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> An anon sent me this request on Tumblr; feel free to send in your own!  
> @maybeeatspaghetti  
> maybeeatspaghetti.tumblr.com


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